First off, Wolf's death is not your fault. I know it's really hard to convince yourself off but something would have happened. It was just his time. He got a good life, better than what most people would have done. There will be so many what ifs. But know that you loved him and he loved you.

I also agree with the above. Do not go into the military unless it's something you 100% do for yourself and not to run away from. The problems will always be there no matter what you do. Loving Rachael will be there, something like that just takes time. Love doesn't just vanish over night. being busy is good but not over busy, it catches up to you.

You also have to define success to you. Is success really pushing yourself to do bigger things than your father, grandfather, etc? Or could it be making *you* happy and then finding someone?

And yes, you should be happy yourself. You being happy should be number one, as hard as it is. Trust me I'm still working on it. Happy isn't changing yourself for someone [unless it's for the better, mind you]. Someone should love you for you and not how you'll bend over backwards.

Feel better sweetie. I worry about you. If you ever want to talk I'll pass off my number to you via email. I have a ton of minutes and I wouldn't mind being an open ear. *hug*