Current mood:

good

I think that anyone can attest to the fact that crawling out of a depression isn't easy. First, just waiting at the bottom of the damn hill, in the dark, waiting for the light to creep back in sucks the energy right out of your soul. Second, the hill is the pile up of all the things that you have been neglecting, both in terms of the things that interest you and you haven't given attention to, your family, and your responsibilities. Sometimes, just being able to see the damn hill is enough to send you back into a depression, when you realize just how much of a climb it is.

The last thing that makes a depression hard is that, just sometimes, you get so wrapped up in it that you can't see that everyone you know is at the bottom of the damn hill with you. My depression has affected everyone in that I haven't been there for them, but they have been there for me. I'm not sure what else I can say about that, but "Thank You".

So, if you are following along with the metaphor, while I've been climbing this hill I've been able to notice some of the things that compose my personality for the first time in a while. Like my obsession with all things survival, my penchant for wanting things to be structured and task oriented, and my love of the outdoors. And, also, my willingness to post my thoughts online where my friends can read them.

Right now, they are all interfering with another thing that I have "rediscovered" while climbing.. Homework. I have this pile up of Spanish HW that I need to do in order to turn it in tomorrow, but I'm just not motivated to do it because it is so beautiful outside, and I just want to be out in it. So, I think I will do this.. I'm going to prioritize.

1. I don't have many days off where it is this pretty, so I should enjoy it while I can.
2. I'll have plenty of time after the sun sets in three hours to do homework.
3. I can get to the top of this pile. I can.

So, I'm going outside. :)